Lib-tard! Bleeding-heart! Liberalism is a mental disorder! Fox News, Breitbart, InfoWars, etc etc etc all try to drive home the horrors that are a liberal democrat mindset and the people whom espouse it. Taught by a quite effective media machine to immediately dismiss all things labeled left-wing, getting through to those who believe differently proves challenging. With that, I want to take a more personal approach. What does the life of a liberal devil look like, how are we so different??
Each morning I awake to my alarm, on my commie-socialist iPhone of course, at an hour that is earlier than I’d like. I’m over 40 so as per natural requirement, despite being a very fit guy, everything hurts. No seriously, how do I go to bed and wake up with a new pain? That’s not OK. The creaking and popping of joints as I meander to the bathroom for a shower is heard for miles. I turn a 5 minute shower into a 15 minute “I don’t wanna” affair and debate can I really go one more day without shaving. Shaving your face sucks but all members of my household hate facial hair. Liberal socialist are supposedly clean-shaven, right? No, wait, are we supposed to have meticulously groomed elitist beards? Meh, I’ll shave tomorrow. I get myself dressed in my middle-aged guy attire (polo shirts are sexy, right?), give my wife of over 15 years a kiss (she’s already up as she runs a business, home-schools our kids, is a college professor, and generally makes sure the neighbors don’t hate us by interacting with them each day), wave up the stairs to my still asleep children, and walk out my door. Painted blue, naturally. Two more trips back in the house for stuff I forgot, and I’m ready to go.
I get into my US made, for a Japanese parent company, vehicle and drive to work. This job is not my life’s passion, not even close, however it is something in which I demonstrated skill when younger and now provides a fantastic life and great benefits for my family. It isn’t what I want to end my life doing, but for now what it provides far outweighs the personal disappointments of not being a super-spy for a secret government agency. Agent 0040+, Flake, Snow Flake.
Coffee. Don’t speak to me before my coffee, I’ve been up an hour but I’m not awake. Back away until that first sip of goodness hits my soul. It’s a stupid addiction and I own that. Meetings and conference calls. All day. Oh the meetings and calls that should just have been emails… Somewhere during the day is that random text from my wife asking if the children would fetch a fair price on the open market. I approve the sale only if it provides enough cash to buy a Caribbean island for us. The sale doesn’t go through.
I drive back home in less than amicable traffic while listening to literally any music that isn’t country and walk in my door. Will it be a clean and organized chorus of, “Hi daddy,” or will it look like a war zone with my children screaming and my wife clutching a bottle of wine with a “please let me open it now” look on her face? Eh, coin flip. I open the bottle of wine (California wine of course, have to stick to that left-coast mentality, geez … no not really, it’s a bottle of whatever was on sale and we just hope it isn’t on that high arsenic wine list floating around Facebook, that’s totally legit, right? ) and grab myself a grownup beverage (Kentucky mash is the key to long life, right?) to join in.
Dinner that the kids may or may not eat, chores they definitely won’t do correctly the first three times, crap, tonight is soccer practice, games, homework, baths and showers, hugs and kisses, bedtimes. Bedtime part two. No seriously, get your @$$ in bed, bedtime.
My wife and I sit down together for our first non-parent moments of the day. We’re exhausted and the debate between watching something on TV while talking about the day and “couple time” occurs. Again, it’s a coin flip which one wins. We’re tired people, come on. The caffeine gave out like 6 hours ago. I’ll turn on the TV.
Bedtime for grownups.
Lather, rinse, repeat 5 days a week. Weekend brings soccer games, family gatherings, cultural activities, movies, and whatever else our caffeine fueled bodies can get our family through.
My god … reading through that I totally understand how we would be seen as soulless lib-tard commies driven towards world domination. Oh ooops, sorry, super-spy fantasies crept back in there for a moment.
Ok, wrapping this up, take a look at what I’ve written and my miserable attempts at humor. That is the day. Are we really that different? Really? Unless you are openly white-supremacist, hate women, or attacking people for differences, not that much, no. We just disagree on how we’d like to see some things get done and those require discussion. Just think about it before off-handed dismissal of anything I say because we’re nothing alike, because yes, we are, and we can do better as a whole than the divided mess we see all around us now.